Last Night, President Bush Gave A Prime-time

Iraq Is So Bad That President Obama Phoned Hillary Clinton And Asked Her If She Could Start Early.

There Was An Embarrassing Moment In The White House Earlier Today. They Were Looking Around While Searching For George Bush's Military Records. They Actually Found Some Old Al Gore Ballots.

Valentine's Day Money-saving Tips: Break Up On February 13th, Get Back Together On The 15th. In Place Of Bubble Bath, Use Lavender-scented Dish-washing Liquid. Forget Rose Petals. Sprinkle The Bed With Sliced Beets!

The Russian Economy Is Tanking. It's Gotten So Bad That Today Vladimir Putin Had To Pawn His Stolen Super Bowl Ring. And Putin Will Finance His Next Invasion On Kickstarter.

Mitt Romney Has A Fund-raiser. He's Going To Get In The Ring And Fight Evander Holyfield. This Is The Dumbest Thing Republicans Have Done Since They Wrote That Open Letter To Iran.