If You Live To Be One Hundred,

In Those Days The Best Painkiller Was Ice; It Wasn't Addictive And It Was Particularly Effective If You Poured Some Whiskey Over It.

Happiness Is A Dry Martini And A Good Woman ... Or A Bad Woman.

If You Were Married To Marilyn Monroe, You'd Cheat With Some Ugly Girl.

If You Ask What Is The Single Most Important Key To Longevity, I Would Have To Say It Is Avoiding Worry, Stress And Tension. And If You Didn't Ask Me, I'd Still Have To Say It.

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.