If You Can't Be Kind, At Least

I Didn't Know Every Day I Would Be Discussing The Tone Of My Voice With My Wife. I Thought It Was A Marriage. Apparently, It's A Musical.

Have You Ever Noticed How They Keep Improving Your Laundry Detergent, But They Still Can't Get Those Blue Flakes Out? Why Do We Trust Them To Get Our Clothes Clean? These Guys Can't Even Get The Detergent White!

To Me A Lawyer Is Basically The Person That Knows The Rules Of The Country. We're All Throwing The Dice, Playing The Game, Moving Our Pieces Around The Board, But If There's A Problem, The Lawyer Is The Only Person That Has Actually Read The Inside Of The Top Of The Box.

The Whole Object Of Comedy Is To Be Yourself And The Closer You Get To That, The Funnier You Will Be.

Having A 2 Year Old Is Like Having A Blender That You Don't Have The Top For.