If You Can't Be Kind, At Least

If Airline Seat Cushions Are Such Great Flotation Devices, Why Don't You Ever See Anyone Take One To The Beach?

We Want To Do A Lot Of Stuff; We're Not In Great Shape, We Didn't Get A Good Night's Sleep, We're A Little Depressed. Coffee Solves All These Problems In One Delightful Little Cup.

I Was The Best Man At The Wedding... If I'm The Best Man, Why Is She Marrying Him?

I Feel Like Humor Is The Answer To Everything. If You Have A Little Bit Of Humor In The Shaker And You Can Sprinkle That On, That's Your Answer.

They Seal The Subway Change-booth Guy Up Inside This Thing With Bullet-proof Glass, Closed In On All Sides, It's Like Some Kind Of Houdini Torture Tank Of Doom. How Do You Breathe In There? It Looks Like If You Put Your Hand Over The Change Slot, You Could Suffocate Him In Thirty Seconds.