If An Asteroid Is Coming Toward You,

My Girlfriend Said, Emo, I'm Seeing Another Man. I Said, Well, Try Rubbing Your Eyes Or Something.

I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom Said When I Was Born They Threw Away The Mold. Some Of It Grew Back.

Interviewers Always Used To Ask Me About My Pageboy Haircut, And It Drove Me Nuts: It Almost Made Me Suspect That There Was Something Strange About It. So I Cut Off My Pageboy.

My Girlfriend Told Me That She Was Seeing Another Man. I Told Her To Rub Her Eyes.

I Once Heard Two Ladies Going On And On About The Pains Of Childbirth And How Men Don't Seem To Know What Real Pain Is. I Asked If Either Of Them Ever Got Themselves Caught In A Zipper.