I Wrote My Friend A Letter Using

The Customer’s Always Right.

I Can Read Minds, But I'm Illiterate.

I Never Joined The Army Because At Ease Was Never That Easy To Me. Seemed Rather Uptight Still. I Don't Relax By Parting My Legs Slightly And Putting My Hands Behind My Back. That Does Not Equal Ease. At Ease Was Not Being In The Military. I Am At Ease, Bro, Because I Am Not In The Military.

I Read That Mtv's Real World Got 40,000 Applications. That's Amazing, Such An Even Number. You Would Have Thought It Would Be 40,008.

I Hate Turkeys. If You Stand In The Meat Section At The Grocery Store Long Enough, You Start To Get Mad At Turkeys. There's Turkey Ham, Turkey Bologna, Turkey Pastrami. Some One Needs To Tell The Turkey, 'man, Just Be Yourself.'