I've Decided That Perhaps I'm Bulimic And

I Have Terrible Short-term Memory Loss, Which I Like To Think Of As Presidential Eligibility.

I Used To Work At The International House Of Pancakes. It Was A Dream, And I Made It Happen.

I'm Really More Prolific Than Most Stand-ups. My Act Changes. I Do Fold In New Experiences, New Observations, Whatever You Want To Call It.

I'm Thankful For Sarah Palin's Vice Presidential Bid, Which Taught Us That Alaska Is Not In A Box Off The Coast Of California.

My Mom Is One Of Those Really Angry Moms Who Gets Mad At Absolutely Everything. Once When I Was A Little Kid, I Accidentally Knocked A Flintstones Glass Off The Kitchen Table. She Said, 'well, Dammit, We Can't Have Nice Things.'