I Used To Get Bummed Out When

I've Met A Few People Who Were Passive-aggressive, But I've Never Met Anyone Who Was Aggressive-passive. I Don't Want Tacos! Maybe.

Swimming Is A Confusing Sport, Because Sometimes You Do It For Fun, And Other Times You Do It To Not Die. And When I'm Swimming, Sometimes I'm Not Sure Which One It Is.

One Thing I Learned Is That It's Never Ok To Walk Through A Cemetery Dressed As A Mummy - Even If That Was A Shortcut On The Way To The Costume Party.

If You Are Trying To Impress A Woman, Leave Any Sort Of Show Farting Out Of The Equation.

Easy Way To Make Someone Sound Less Powerful, Just Put Dj In Front Of Their Name... ..dj Abraham Lincoln