If You Are Trying To Impress A

I Didn't Do Improv In College, I Never Performed, I Didn't Do Theater Either. I Was In Student Government, I Was A History Major.

A Lot Of People Like Lollipops. I Don't Like Lollipops. To Me, A Lollipop Is Hard Candy Plus Garbage. I Don't Need A Handle. Just Give Me The Candy.

Sometimes It Looks Like I'm Dancing, But It's Just That I Walked Into A Spider Web.

If You Have A Lair Then You Are Probably Not A Good Person.

I Have A Jar At Home, And I Put Pennies In It Whenever I Curse. The Other Day I Spilled The Jar. I Owe It About $25.