I Now Know My Right From My

Juice Cleansing Has Been All The Rage For Some Time. And I Used The Word 'rage' Advisedly; One Must Push A Violent Flood Of Liquidised Vegetables And Fruit Through One's System For At Least Three Days In Order To Perform A 'cleanse.'

I Was Taught That Candles Are Like House Cats - Domesticated Versions Of Something Wild And Dangerous. There's No Way To Know How Much Of That Killer Instinct Lurks In The Darkness. I Used To Think The House-burning Paranoia Was The Result Of Some Upper-middle-class Fear Regarding The Potential Destruction Of A Half-million-dollar Westchester House The Size Of A Matchbox. But Then I Realized The Fear Stemmed From Something Far Less Complex: We're Not Used To Fire. Candles Are A Staple Of The Judaic Existence And, Like Many Suburban Residents Before Us, We're Pretty Bad Jews.

Unless You Are A Professional, You Will Find The Tart To Be A High-maintenance, Unforgiving Whistle-blower Of A Pastry.

Unless We're Talking About Old-school, Witchcraft-trial Violence, Can We Please Phase Out The Phrase 'girl Crush?' While We're At It, If We Can Axe 'like, Total Girl Crush' Unless Total Girl Crush Is The Name Of A Fizzy Soft Drink, In Which Case I'll Take Two, Thank You.

There's Just No Concept Of Layering A Thick-sleeved Sweater Under A Coat In L.a. A Coat Is More Of A Gesture Than A Necessity. You Know, In Case The Temperature Goes Down To 55 Degrees.