I'm Learning Cuban. It's Like Spanish, But

The Nicest Present I Ever Got Was An Exploding Suppository.

I Was At A Bar Nursing A Beer. My Nipple Was Getting Quite Soggy.

I Learned About Sex The Hard Way... From Books.

Thinking Up Jokes Is Easy. The Hard Part Is Trying Them Out On Stage, Because You Never Know If They're Funny Until You Get There. Not One Comedian In The World Ever Really Knows.

I Asked My Girlfriend, 'will You Marry Me?' She Said, 'we'll Have To Ask My Father.' So We Had A Seance And Jack Ruby Says, 'hello!'