I Learned About Sex The Hard Way...

I Don't Have To Tell You Folks About Scuba Diving. So, That'll Save Some Time.

The Scots Are A Very Tough People. They Have Drive-by Headbuttings. In Glasgow A Sweatband Is Considered A Silencer.

What Is Eternity? You're On The Checkout Line At A Supermarket. There Are Seven People In Front Of You. They Are All Old. They All Have Two Carts And Coupons For Every Item. They Are All Paying By Check. None Of Them Have Id. It's The Checkout Girl's First Day On The Job. She Doesn't Speak Any English. Take Away Fifteen Minutes From That, And You Begin To Get An Idea Of What Eternity Is.

My Dad Always Said, If Someone Hands You A Lemon, Make Lemonade. Plus That Also Works Wonderfully As A Metaphor.

When I Wake Up In The Morning, I Just Can't Get Started Until I've Had That First, Piping Hot Pot Of Coffee. Oh, I've Tried Other Enemas.