I'm Having A Nice Cold Pint And

The Suzuki Wagon R Should Be Avoided Like Unprotected Sex With An Ethiopian Transvestite

I Wore A Groove In The Kitchen Floor With Endless Trips To The Fridge, Hoping Against Hope That I Had Somehow Missed A Plateful Of Cold Sausages On The Previous 4,000 Excursions. Then, For No Obvious Reason, I Decided To Buy A Footstool.

Telling People At A Dinner Party You Drive A Nissan Almera Is Like Telling Them You've Got The Ebola Virus And You're About To Sneeze.

The Fact Is That Britain Is The Most Warlike Nation On Earth. In The History Of Armed Combat, We Are The Only Democracy To Have Declared War On Another Democracy - England Versus Finland In The Second World War, In Case You're Interested - And We're Always At The Front Of The Queue When Johnny Foreigner Gets A Bit Uppity. Who Stood Up To The Kaiser? Who Stood Up To Adolf? And Let's Not Forget The Argies. What Other Country Would Have Sent Its Fleet Halfway Round The World And Lost 250 Men To Protect A Flock Of Sheep And Some Oil That Might Or Might Not Be There? We're Still At It.

If You Go Through The Pearly Gates Backwards In A Fireball, That's A Cool Way To Die!