The Earth Without Art Is Just Eh.

I Like "rock, Paper, Scissors Two-thirds." You Know. "rock Breaks Scissors." "these Scissors Are Bent. They're Destroyed. I Can't Cut Stuff. So I Lose." "scissors Cuts Paper." "these Are Strips. This Is Not Even Paper. It's Gonna Take Me Forever To Put This Back Together." "paper Covers Rock." "rock Is Fine. No Structural Damage To Rock. Rock Can Break Through Paper At Any Point. Just Say The Word. Paper Sucks." There Should Be "rock, Dynamite With A Cutable Wick, Scissors."

Your Mind Is Like A Sponge, In The Sense That It Would Come In Handy When Cleaning Off A Countertop Or Something Like That.

I Wonder What The Most Intelligent Thing Ever Said Was That Started With The Word 'dude.' 'dude, These Are Isotopes.' 'dude, We Removed Your Kidney. You're Gonna Be Fine.' 'dude, I Am So Stoked To Win This Nobel Prize. I Just Wanna Thank Kevin, And Turtle, And All My Homies.'

Batteries Are The Most Dramatic Object. Other Things Stop Working Or They Break, But Batteries... They Die.

When I'm Buying Car Insurance I Ask Myself, 'which Company Has The Most Annoying And Relentless Commercials?'