Eat Turkey All Night Long, 50 Million

I Bought My Parents Some Stuff. That Feels Kind Of Good To Be Able To Do That. I Got Them A Place In Florida. I Think I'm Allowed To Say That - I Hope My Dad Doesn't Get Mad At Me. But I Don't Spend Money On Myself. I Don't Like Myself Enough Yet. But The People I Love, I Like Spending The Cash On Them.

Hanukkah Is...the Festival Of Lights, Instead Of One Day Of Presents, We Get Eight Crazy Nights

I Mean, I Look At My Dad. He Was Twenty When He Started Having A Family, And He Was Always The Coolest Dad. He Did Everything For His Kids, And He Never Made Us Feel Like He Was Pressured. I Know That It Must Be A Great Feeling To Be A Guy Like That.

I Think I'm Playing Grown Up Because I Have Kids Now. But I Don't Feel Grown Up Yet.

The Only Reason I Got Into Stand-up Was Because My Brother Told Me To. I Had No Idea What I Was Going To Do With My Life. I Was 17 And My Brother Went To A Comedy Club And He Said - You Can Do That.