Comedy - And I Say This With

Life Is Hard. And We Better Laugh At Everything, Otherwise We're Going Down The Tube.

The Worst Thing That Ever Happened To Me On Stage Is Someone Ran Forward To Tell Me They Loved Me And Projectile Vomited All Over The Stage. It Was Horrible.

I Use A Smoke Alarm As A Timer.

The Fun Of Working On The Road Means Stealing From Hotels. I've Been Doing It For So Long, I Have A Set Of Towels From The Ark.

I'm Going Out With These Old Guys. One Guy Gave Me A Hickey And Left His Teeth In My Neck. Another Man, We Were Having A Perfectly Lovely Dinner; He Looked Up And Me And Went: You're Not My Wife! Another Guy Died During Dinner. I Had To Go In His Pocket To Get The American Express Card. Then You Wonder: What Would He Tip? Another Guy Said: I Want You To Meet My Family, And Took Me To The Cemetery.