After My 1985 Appearance On The Tonight

Everything Here Must Be Done Twice As No One Can Do It Right The First Time.

Eat As Much As You'd Like. My Philosophy Has Always Been That All Women Desire To Be As Fat As Myself But Just Have A Great Fear Of Doing So. Because They Think They Won't Get Any Men, But You Will. You'll Get More Men, And Better Men.

I Say I'm The Only Serious Comedian In The Presidential Race. And I'd Like To Take This Opportunity To Ask Both Romney And Obama To Debate Me. Because I Think That Both Of Those Guys - I Think That The American People Are Being Given A False Choice, Because The Choice Between The Lesser Of Two Evils Is A False Choice.

I Think I Should Be Here Alone To Rethink The World, I Do. I Want These Lesser Humans Gone.

Comedy Is The Only Hope For Humanity.