A Consultant Is A Guy Who Knows

I'm Not Trying To Write A Bleak And Blistering Screed Against American Civilization. I'm Writing Something That I Hope Is Fun And Satirical And Full Of Possibility.

I Squirm When I See Athletes Praying Before A Game. Don't They Realize That If God Took Sports Seriously He Never Would Have Created George Steinbrenner.

The Thing That You're Faulted On Today Is Not That You Are Too Tough, Or Not That You Aren't Careful. It's That You Might Have Been Too Soft. People Want That Red Meat Now Because You Have To Keep Up With The Mood And The Mood Today Is Harsh. It Really Is.

I Can't Think Of A Performer Who Is Better On Television Than In Person.

A Consultant Is A Guy Who Knows 125 Different Ways To Make Love, But Who Doesn't Know Any Women.