You Might As Well Like Yourself; Just

I Am Probably The Most Selfish Man You Will Ever Meet In Your Life. No One Gets The Satisfaction Or The Joy That I Get Out Of Seeing Kids Realize There Is Hope.

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'

I Turned Down 'some Like It Hot.' See How Smart I Am? I Felt I Couldn't Bring Anything Funny To It. The Outfit Was Funny. I Don't Need To Compete With The Wardrobe.

I Have Nothing Against Women. As A Matter Of Fact There's Something About Them That I Love, But I Just Can't Put My Finger On It.

I Don't Want To Be Remembered. I Want The Nice Words When I Can Hear Them.