You'll Never Catch A Nudist With His

John Kerry Went Duck Hunting And He's Doing That To Fulfill His Campaign Pledge To Hunt Down The Ducks And Kill Them Wherever They Are! Kerry Did Pretty Well; He Came Back With Four Ducks And Three Purple Hearts.

Mitt Romney And His Family Have A Big Two-day Weekend Plan. They're Going To Hike To The Top Of His Money.

You Know Kim Jong Un, The Evil Dictator Of North Korea? Apparently, A Guy In His Inner Circle Used His Ashtray While Smoking And Kim Jong Un Had Him Executed. I Remember The Same Thing Happened When A Guy Used Martha Stewart's Personal Lemon Zester.

President Bush Wants To Build A Space Station On The Moon. And From The Moon, He Wants To Launch People To Mars. You Know What This Means. He's Been Drinking Again.

I Went To The Beach A Couple Of Times In New York City. Tough Summer Out There, But I Was Pretty Excited. I Found What I Thought At The Time Was A Very Rare Seashell. And I Took It To A Friend Of Mine Who Works In A Museum. And I Was Really Disappointed. It Turned Out To Be Just A Human Ear.