You Know You're Getting Old When You

No More Botox For Me. Betty White's Bowels Move More Than My Face.

My Husband Wanted To Be Cremated. I Told Him I'd Scatter His Ashes At Neiman Marcus - That Way, I'd Visit Him Every Day.

I Said To My Husband, 'why Don't You Call Out My Name When We're Making Love?' He Said, 'i Don't Want To Wake You Up.'

I'm Sure Some Of You Are Wondering Whether My Breasts Are Real. Let Me Just Explain To You. This One Is, This One Isn't.

My Face Has Been Tucked In More Times Than A Bedsheet At The Holiday Inn.