Writer's Block Is A Myth. I Never

I Was The Kid Next Door's Imaginary Friend.

I'd Be In The Backyard Minding My Own Business. The Other Kids Would Call Me Names, Like Meatball Head Or Neo-calvinist. I'd Run After Them, But Lucky For Them The Chain Would Snap My Neck Back.

You Know What I Hate? Indian Givers... No, I Take That Back.

I Got A Letter From The Irs. Apparently I Owe Them $800. So I Sent Them A Letter Back. I Said, If You'll Remember, I Fastened My Return With A Paper Clip, Which According To Your Very Own Latest Government Pentagon Spending Figures Will More Than Make Up For The Difference.

My Ex-girlfriend Was Very Sexy. She Reminded Me Of The Sphinx Because She Was Very Mysterious And Eternal And Solid...and Her Nose Was Shot Off By French Soldiers.