While I Was Gone, I Had Quintuple

People Say We Need Royalty. We Have Royalty In The United States - The Kardashians.

Tourists - Have Some Fun With New York's Hard-boiled Cabbies. When You Get To Your Destination, Say To Your Driver, "pay? I Was Hitchhiking."

Yesterday Was Chinese New Year. It's The Year Of The Rabbit. And Here's How Dumb I Am. I'm Still Writing The Year Of The Pig On My Checks.

Happy Birthday To Fay Wray, A Wonderful Actress. She Was, Of Course, In The Movie 'king Kong' And Would Have Been 99-years-old Today. She Was Famous Because Of Her Love Interest With A Giant Ape, And, Wait A Minute, That's Maria Shriver.

John Kerry Says That Foreign Leaders Want Him To Be President, But That He Can't Name The Foreign Leaders. That's All Right, President Bush Can't Name Them Either.