While I Was Gone, I Had Quintuple

Iraq's Elite Republican Guard Is Doing So Badly They're Changing Their Name To The Democratic Guard.

Experts Say That Iraq May Have Nuclear Weapons. That's Bad News - They May Have A Nuclear Bomb. Now The Good News Is That They Have To Drop It With A Camel.

Illinois Is The Only State Where The Present Governor Rides Around In A Car Whose License Plate Was Made By A Previous Governor.

The Weather Here Is Gorgeous. It's Mild And Feels Like It's In The Eighties. The Hot Dog Vendors Got Confused Because Of The Weather And Thought It Was Spring, So They Accidentally Changed The Hot Dog Water In Their Carts.

The Catholic Church Has A Tough New Policy On Child Molestors: Three Strikes And You're A Cardinal.