When You Look Like I Do Its

I Don't Know What My Assistant Would Do Besides Get Me Pot.

The Whole Thing About Working In Front Of The Camera Is To Make People Laugh When They're Not Supposed To.

You Know You're Getting Fat When Your Socks Don't Fit.

I Don't Like To Have Anybody Tell Me To Be In A Place At Certain Times. That's Kind Of The Advantage Of Stand Up. You're Self-employed.

I Don't Mean To Be Gross, But The Only Time It's Good To Yell "i Have Diarrhea" Is When You're Playing Scrabble Because It's Worth A Shitload Of Points.