When I Was 5-years-old, I Knew Who

If It Weren't For Acid, You Might Not Have An Ipod, And You Definitely Would Not Have Some Of The Best Music In Your Ipod.

Heroin May Be Bad, But It Sure As Hell Hasn't Hurt My Cd Collection.

Stand-up Is Great Because I Can Get Everything Off My Chest.

You Know, The Only Place In America Where The Millionaires And Billionaires Are Predominantly Liberal Is Here In Hollywood.

New Rule: If Churches Don't Have To Pay Taxes, They Also Can't Call The Fire Department When They Catch Fire. Sorry Reverend, That's One Of Those Services That Goes Along With Paying In. I'll Use The Fire Department I Pay For. You Can Pray For Rain.