When I Read 'be Real, Don't Get

I'm Not Going To Throw Away The Hand Of Friendship To Suit 100 Trotskyites In Glasgow.

Without Arts Programmes There's Only Reality Tv, And Reality Tv Needs The Arts To Show It What Reality Is.

I've Always Wanted To Go To Switzerland To See What The Army Does With Those Wee Red Knives.

Don't Buy One Of Those Baby Intercoms. Babies Pretend To Be Dead. They're Bastards, And They Do It On Purpose.

I Don't Believe In Angels, No. But I Do Have A Wee Parking Angel. It's On My Dashboard And You Wind It Up. The Wings Flap And It's Supposed To Give You A Parking Space. It's Worked So Far.