Whatever Happened To The Good Ole Days,

I Used To Think I Knew Everything, But Older You Get The More You See Other Areas. If You Could Read Everything About Both Sides, You'll Pretty Much Be In The Middle Again, Which Is The State You Had When You Were Totally Ignorant. So My Theory Is If You Maintain Total Ignorance - Which Isn't Easy, But I Try - You'll Be Just As Far Ahead As If You'd Spent Days And Days Reading About The Whole Issue. And You Have That Much Extra Time To Play Pac-man.

I Think My Ex-girlfriend Has Weekly Lessons With The Devil On How To Be More Evil. I Don't Know What She Charges Him.

I'm From Downer's Grove, Illinois. We Had A Blackout There The Other Day, But Fortunately The Police Made Him Get Back Into His Car Before He Got Too Far.

The Only Work I Ever Turned Down Was A Cable Programme Called Diving For Excrement.

Race Is Still Somewhat Of A Taboo In Comedy. But If You're A Minority, Then You Can Make Fun Of Your Own Minority. And That's A Nice Service That Many Of Them Provide.