We Should Have Been Wiser; We Should

I Struggled To Find The Words To Name The Feelings That Flooded Through Me, But I Had No Words Strong Enough To Hold Them. For A Long Moment, I Drowned In Them. When I Surfaced, I Was Not The Same Man I Had Been. My Life Was An Unending, Unchanging Midnight. It Must, By Necessity, Always Be Midnight For Me. So How Was It Possible That The Sun Was Rising Now, In The Middle Of My Midnight?

It Will Be As If I'd Never Existed, He'd Promised Me. I Felt The Smooth Wooden Floor Beneath My Knees, And Then The Palms Of My Hands, And Then It Was Pressed Against The Skin Of My Cheek. I Hoped That I Was Fainting, But, To My Disappointment, I Didn't Lose Consciousness. The Waves Of Pain That Had Only Lapped At Me Before Now Reared High Up And Washed Over My Head, Pulling Me Under. I Did Not Resurface.

Because When I Thought Of Him, Of His Voice, His Hypnotic Eyes, The Magnetic Force Of His Personality, I Wanted Nothing More Than To Be With Him Right Now.

You’re Not Asleep, And You’re Not Dead. I’m Here, And I Love You. I Have Always Loved You, And I Will Always Love You. I Was Thinking Of You, Seeing Your Face In My Mind, Every Second That I Was Away. When I Told You That I Didn’t Want You, It Was The Very Blackest Kind Of Blasphemy.

Jared Glared Balefully At The Old Man, His Eyes Full Of The Shock And Pain Of The Betrayed. I Had Only Human Comparisons For Such A Look. Caesar And Brutus, Jesus And Judas.