To Me, Writing Is Remembering Something Funny

Women Always Think That I'm Chandler, So If I Don't Joke Around For Half An Hour They Think That Something's Wrong. Then I Explain That I Don't Have Comedy Writers Scripting Everything I'm Saying At This Particular Dinner.

I Need A Woman To Have A Quirky Sense Of Humor. There's A Bunch Of Jokes I Use, And If She Doesn't Get Them, She's Probably Not For Me.

The Funniest Thing Is When Somebody Says "look I've No Idea Who You Are But My Friend Said You Are On A Show And I Just Wanted To Introduce Myself" You Know That They Are Lying! Those People Can Just Get Out Of My Way.

I Have A Well-documented History Of Trouble With Intimacy.

The Thing That I'm Most Proud Of In My Life Is That If A Stranger Came Up To Me And Said, 'i Can't Stop Drinking. I Can't Stop Drinking. Can You Help Me?' I Can Say, 'yes, I Can Help You.'