This Is How Sad My Life Is:

My Father Worked At The Naval Ordnance Lab, And They Had A Nine-hole Course On The Property. You Paid A Quarter.

That's The Funny Thing About Religion: It Doesn't Matter What You Say, You're Going To Upset Someone.

There Should Be A Law That You Can't Shut Down The Government - That You Don't Have That Power.

The Kids Say Golf Taught Them This And That. I Get It With The Military: A Guy Joins The Military Because He Needs Discipline And Has To Find Himself. But Don't Tell Me, 'golf Helps You Find Yourself.' I've Been Playing My Whole Life, And I'm Still Looking For Myself.

Glenn Beck Has Nazi Tourettes'.