There Hasn't Been A Scandal This Big

America Used To Live By The Motto "father Knows Best." Now We're Lucky If "father Knows He Has Children." We've Become A Nation Of Sperm Donors And Baby Daddies.

I'm Disappointed That My Own Catholic Church Has Decided That Capital Punishment Is Wrong. Which Is Pretty Hypocritical If You Think About It, Because They Wouldn't Even Have A Religion If It Wasn't For Capital Punishment.

Writing And Producing The Show Is An Intellectual Process. Performing The Show Is Far More Athletic And Intuitive, Because You Don't Get To Do It Twice. It Helps If You've Done Whatever The Old Saw Is, 10,000 Hours Of It. Because I've Done 10,000 Hours Of Comedy, I Have This Database In My Mind Of What Works And What Doesn't Work.

Pain Is The Body's Way Of Telling The Brain It's In Trouble. Similarly, Confusion Is The Brain's Way Of Telling The Body, 'all Right, Buddy, Drop That Book.

If We Don't Cut Expensive Things Like Head Start, Child Nutrition Programs, And Teachers, What Sort Of Future Are We Leaving For Our Children?