The Test Of A Real Comedian Is

Like Everybody Else, When I Don't Know What Else To Do, I Seem To Go In For Catching Colds.

The Notion That As A Man Grows Older His Illusions Leave Him Is Not Quite True. What Is True Is That His Early Illusions Are Supplanted By New, And To Him, Equally Convincing Illusions.

A Man's Wife Is His Compromise With The Illusion Of His First Sweetheart.

A Poet, Any Real Poet, Is Simply An Alchemist Who Transmutes His Cynicism Regarding Human Beings Into An Optimism Regarding The Moon, The Stars, The Heavens, And The Flowers, To Say Nothing Of Spring, Love, And Dogs.

Love Is The Emotion That A Woman Feels Always For A Poodle Dog And Sometimes For A Man.