The Tea Baggers. The One Thing They

New Rule: Someone Has To Tell Francesco Schettino That Embracing A Callous Policy Of "every Man For Himself" Doesn't Make You A Sea Captain. It Makes You The Republican Nominee.

It's Nine Months Before The Election And Bush's Poll Numbers Have Fallen To The Exact Level That His Father's Poll Numbers Were Nine Months Before He Lost To Bill Clinton. Today Front Runner John Kerry Said He's Not Superstitious, But Just To Be On The Safe Side, He's Going To Start F---ing Everything That Moves.

Russia Has Banned All Adoptions To Americans. So, If You Were Hoping To Get A Little White Kid With Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, You're Going To Have To Wait Until Lindsay Lohan Reproduces.

When You Want To Make It Clear To The Rest Of The World That You Are Not An Imperialist, The Best Countries To Have With You Are Britain And Spain.

Republicans Don't Have To Accept Evolution, Economics, Climatology, Or Human Sexuality, But I Just Watched A Week Of Their National Convention, And I Need Them To Admit The Historical Existence Of George W. Bush. If Your Party Can Run The Nation For Eight Years And Then Have A National Convention And Not Invite Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Karl Rove, Or Tom Delay, You're Not A Political Movement, You're The Witness Protection Program.