The Problem With Prostitutes Is, What If

I Don't Want To Get High With My Kids, Because Then Everything Is Different Forever. That's So Stupid, I Think.

I Just Didn't Believe I Was Like Everybody Else. I Thought I Was Unique.

Touch My Children And I Will Eat Your Hands Off Your Freakin Arms.

There Was This One Time In Vegas When I Took Four Victoria's Secret Models And Did One Gram Off Each Of Their Bodies Within, Like, 45 Minutes. I Declared Myself King Of Vegas And Decided To Remodel My Hotel Room With My Bare Hands To Resemble King Louis Xiv's Bedroom At Versailles. Knocked Down Two Entire Walls, And Later Had Four Knuckle Surgeries. Still Wasn't As High As Rob Ford.

Charlie Sheen Has The Potential To Cause Your Soul To Weep And Forfeit