The Problem With My Balloon Collection Is

How To Be A Bouncer: Be An Asshole; Stand Near A Door.

A Refrigerator Is The Opposite Of A Drug Addict, Because A Refrigerator Starts In A Box And Then Moves To A House.

I Was Student Council President In High School, And Even In Law School, I Was Vice-president Of The Student Bar Association.

I've Learned Something On The Road, Traveling Around: State Shapes. The Easier It Is To Draw The Shape Of The State, The Harder It Is To Live In That State. So, If You Live In A Regular Polygon, Get The Hell Outta There. You Gotta Move To A Squiggly Area. Culture's Attracted To Squiggles.

I Love Steven Wright. I Was In High School In The '80s, And There Was A Lot Of Stand Up On Television.