The Pentagon Banned The Army From Using

I, Of Course, Wanted To Do Something With Drew Barrymore. Please. So We Were Reading Scripts Back And Forth And Then We Found This Script, Fever Pitch...

Here's A Little Bit Of Good News. The Coast Guard Says That Bp Is Now Catching Up To 630,000 Gallons Of Oil A Day. The Bad News Is That They're Capturing It With Ducks.

The Acting Director Of The Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, Said They May Make The Fence Around The White House Taller Because Of The Recent Security Failures. When Asked If He Had Any Other Ideas, He Said, 'uh, Make The Sidewalk Lower?'

It Seems Like Everybody's Weighing In On Trumps Campaign - Even Dallas Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban. He Said That Trump Is 'probably The Best Thing To Happen To Politics In A Long, Long Time.' Then Trump Was Like, 'well, At Least One Cuban Loves Me.'

Thank You... Fantasy Football Draft, For Letting Me Know That Even In My Fantasies, I Am Bad At Sports.