The National Association Of Theater Concessionaires Reported

An Anthropologist At Tulane Has Just Come Back From A Field Trip To New Guinea With Reports Of A Tribe So Primitive That They Have Tide But Not New Tide With Lemon-fresh Borax.

President Obama Is In China. Today He Visited The Kids Who Make Our Cellphones.

Compared To Clinton, I Feel Like A Loser. I Can't Even Get The Intern To Make Me Coffee!

Congratulations To Saddam Hussein On Being Elected To Another Seven-year Term. It Was Very Close. He Received 99 Percent Of The Vote, And One Percent Of The Vote Went For Last-minute Candidate Frank Lautenberg.

During The Debate, Palin Winked, Wrinkled Her Nose, And Gave A Shout-out To A Third-grade Class. Well, You Know, That Says Commander-in-chief To Me Right There. You Betcha!