The French Fried Potato Has Become An

New York Is The Only City In The World Where You Can Get Run Down On The Sidewalk By A Pedestrian.

After That [father's Death] I Never Cried With Any Real Conviction, Nor Expected Much Of Anyone's God Except Indifference, Nor Loved Deeply Without Fear That It Would Cost Me Dearly In Pain. At The Age Of Five I Had Become A Skeptic And Began To Sense That Any Happiness That Came My Way Might Be The Prelude To Some Grim Cosmic Joke.

Of All The People Expressing Their Mental Vacuity, None Has A Better Excuse For An Empty Head Than The Newspaperman: If He Pauses To Restock His Brain, He Invites Onrushing Deadlines To Trample Him Flat. Broadcasting The Contents Of Empty Minds Is What Most Of Us Do Most Of The Time, And Nobody More Relentlessly Than I.

Grass Is The Least Rewarding Of All Status Symbols... The Grass Does Nothing But Drink Money, Exhaust Energies, Crush Spirits, Destroy Sleep, Create Tensions And Interfere With The Watching Of Baseball Games, And Sprout Insolent Signs Ordering Humans To Keep Off It.

Voters Inclined To Loathe And Fear Elite Ivy League Schools Rarely Make Fine Distinctions Between Yale And Harvard. All They Know Is That Both Are Full Of Rich, Fancy, Stuck-up And Possibly Dangerous Intellectuals Who Never Sit Down To Supper In Their Undershirt No Matter How Hot The Weather Gets.