So I Rang Up A Local Building

I'm On A Whisky Diet. I've Lost 3 Days Already.

I Went To Buy Some Camouflage Trousers The Other Day But I Couldn’t Find Any.

Well, My Wife And I Were Married In A Toilet - It Was A Marriage Of Convenience!

Man Went Into A Bar, He Only Had One Arm. Guy Sitting Next To Him Said 'hey, You've Got Your Sleeve In My Drink', Man Replied, 'there's No Arm In It'

Now You Know Those Trick Candles That You Blow Out And A Couple Of Seconds Later They Come Alight Again, Well The Other Day There Was A Fire At The Factory That Makes Them.