She Was So Fat That Her Bikini

I Went To See My Doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...i Told Him Once, "doctor, Every Morning When I Get Up And Look In The Mirror I Feel Like Throwing Up. What's Wrong With Me?" He Said, "i Don't Know, But Your Eyesight Is Perfect."

One Day As I Came Home Early, I Saw A Man Jogging Naked. I Said To The Guy, 'hey, Buddy, Why Are You Doing That?' He Said, 'because You Came Home Early.'

When My Parents Got Divorced, There Was A Custody Fight Over Me. ... And No One Showed Up.

I Asked My Wife, 'is There Somebody Else?' She Said, 'there Must Be.'

I Was An Ugly Kid; When I Was Born, After The Doctor Cut The Cord, He Hung Himself.