Scientists Announced Today That They Have Discovered

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Are A Few I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was."; "drinking Will Significantly Improve Your Chances Of Murdering A Loved One."; "if You Drink Long Enough, At Some Point You Will Vomit Up The Lining Of Your Stomach."; "use This Product And You May Wake Up In Morocco Wearing A Cowboy Suit And Tongue-kissing A Transmission Salesman."

Instead Of Thinking About The Sex, I'd Always Think About The Clap And The Crabs Those People Have.

The Whole Problem With The World Today: Private Property. If No One Owned Anything, It Would Be A Lot Better. There's Even An Entire Industry Devoted To Keeping An Eye On Other People's Stuff. This Is How Stupid It's Got. If You Decide To Get Rid Of A Lot Of Your Stuff, You Can Give It To A Thrift Shop Or To Goodwill.

I Tell Ya, If I Hadn't Chosen The Career Of Being A Performer, I Think Linguistics Would Have Been A Natural Area That I'd Have Loved - To Teach It, Probably, Language Has Always Fascinated Me. There's A Genetic Inheritance There A Good Language Gene, Which I Inherited [from My Mother And Grandfather] And She Fostered That In Me As He Fostered That In Her.

I Was Surprised When I Started Getting Old. I Always Thought It Was One Of Those Things That Would Happen To Someone Else.