(responding To A Sneeze From The Audience)

The Conductor Is A Peculiar Person. He Turns His Back On His Friends In The Audience, Shakes A Stick At His Players In The Orchestra, And Then Wonders Why Nobody Loves Him.

One Afternoon, When I Was Four Years Old, My Father Came Home, And He Found Me In The Living Room In Front Of A Roaring Fire, Which Made Him Very Angry. Because We Didn't Have A Fireplace.

Humor Is Something That Thrives Between Man's Aspirations And His Limitations. There Is More Logic In Humor Than In Anything Else. Because, You See, Humor Is Truth.

I Know [canned Music] Makes Chickens Lay More Eggs And Factory Workers Produce More. But How Much More Can They Get Out Of You On An Elevator?

I Normally Don't Do Requests. Unless, Of Course, I Have Been Asked To Do So.