Recognition Is One Of The Three Big

I Want To Thank Some Very Special People Without Whom I Would Not Be Here Today. George Bush, Sarah Palin And The Pope. When I Came To Hollywood In 1983, I Had One Dream. To Sleep With Jodie Foster. That Didn't Work Out, But This Is Nice, Too.

In New York Now, They Have Harvey Milk High School For Gay Students. They Don't Have Much Of A Football Team, But The Half-time Show . . .

All Across The Middle East In The Streets, People Are Demanding Democracy. It's Amazing. The Only Way In America You Get People To Get Worked Up Like That Is To Threaten To Give Them Health Care.

I'd Just Like To Know What A Cop Would Have To Do To Get Indicted - And What Good Are Cop Cameras Since Eric Garner Is On Tape?

New Rule: Since Our New National Position On Science Is, "screw It, We Prefer Witchcraft," Let's Not Just Retire The Space Shuttle Atlantis. Let's Drive It To One Of The Five Stupidest States And Have The Locals Beat It With Sticks. Putting It In A Museum Is Too Dangerous. Someone Could Steal It, Fly It Into Space And Notice We Revolve Around The Sun.