Pity? You Don't Want To Be Pitied

The Young Man Who's Had The Guggenheim Fortune Behind Him All His Life - He Can Hire All The Authorities On The Subject To Teach Him How To Do A Monologue, But He's Never Going To Have The Right Stuff To Pull It Off. If He Doesn't Walk Out Onstage Needing To Walk Out There, He Doesn't Have A Dream Of Doing Well.

The Doc Told Me I Had A Dual Personality. Then He Lays An 82 Dollar Bill On Me, So I Give Him 41 Bucks And Say, 'get The Other 41 Bucks From The Other Guy.'

It'll Keep You Alive For Another 10 Years If You Get Yourself A Laugh Once A Day: Either Provoke It, Or Look Around In The Wildest Laboratory In The World, The Public.

People Say, "how Would You Like To Be Remembered?" I Don't Want To Be Remembered. Gimme A Break. What I Want Is To Hear What's Great About Me Now. Let Me Hear It! In The Box You Don't Hear These Eulogies.

A Lot Of People Resent That I've Been In Someone's Life For 50 Years. Why Shouldn't People Have An Affection For Me And What I've Done? Didn't I Have To Be Genuine For Them To Buy Into What I Did? There Are Children Who Grow Up Today Who Will Not Have That When They're 55 Years Old. With Whom Will They Have It? Name An Example For Me.