Personally, I Think Jim Henson Said It

I Tried Eating Vegetarian. I Felt Like A Wimp Going Into A Restaurant. "what Do You Want To Eat Sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's A Side Dish, Folks. Always Was, Always Will Be, Ok! When They Ask Me What I Want, I Say: What Do You Think I Want? This Is America. I Want A Bowl Of Raw Red Meat Right Now.

One Thing That's Great About Firefighters: If They Don't Have The Equipment They Desperately Need, They Don't Have The Help, They Don't Care. They'll Do It On Their Own.

If You See Me Doing A New Stand-up Special, It Probably Means I've Been Out Of Work For A While.

Peter Falk And Denis Leary Today Walked Into A Starbucks And Shot 27 People, Without Any Announcement Whatsoever.

My Charity Is In The Business Of Helping Firefighters In Any Way That We Can. For Instance, After 9/11 We Were The Second-fastest Charity To Raise And Distribute Money To The Widows And Surviving Family Members Of The 343 Firefighters Who Died That Day.