People Who Read The Tabloids Deserve To

I See Tv Ads About Detergents That Can Get Blood Stains Out Of Your Cloths. I Say If You Have Blood Stains On Your Cloths You Should Be Thinking About Something Other Than Laundry.

The Toughest Nights When I Was A Young, Unknown Comedian Were Opening For These Real Old-time Italian Singers. I'm Like Grace Jones To Them. "this Guy Is Nuts-talking About Socks. Where's The Wife Jokes, Where's The Fat Jokes?"

We Want To Do A Lot Of Stuff; We're Not In Great Shape, We Didn't Get A Good Night's Sleep, We're A Little Depressed. Coffee Solves All These Problems In One Delightful Little Cup.

Your Blessing In Life Is When You Find The Torture You're Comfortable With.

Let's Examine The Dog Mind: Every Time You Come Home, He Thinks It's Amazing. He Can't Believe That You've Accomplished This Again. You Walk In The Door. The Joy Of It Almost Kills Him. "he's Back Again! It's That Guy! It's That Guy!"