Once I Was Gone For A Month

I Mean, I Do Love Clever And Witty, But I Think That The 'three Stooges' Were Geniuses. They'd Have To Be For Their Appeal To Have Lasted This Long.

I Got My Dog Three Years Ago Because I Was Drunk In A Pet Store. We Had Nine Cats At The Time. The Cats Started Hiding The Alcohol After That.

When We Save The Rain Forest, The Polar Bear, And Al Gore, We Should Party So Hard That Canada Calls The Cops On Us For Noise.

When I Sat Down To Write I Just Felt Like A Geek Writing About Myself. And Then It Dawned On Me, Just Because Of The Way I Am, I Can't Stop Talking, And Part Of The Problem Is That Anything That Gets Said Reminds Me Of Something That Happened To Me One Time, And Invariably I Cut People Off And Talk About Myself.

When Every High School Graduate Can Spell The Word, 'inauguration,' Let's Put Lampshades On Our Heads And Listen To His Speeches Until Obama's Voice Gives Out.