Oh, I Was An Ugly Kid. My

When I Told My Wife She Was Lousy In Bed - She Went Out - She Got A Second Opinion.

What A Dog I Got, He Found Out We Look Alike, So He Killed Himself.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

I Told My Dentist My Teeth Are Going Yellow. He Told Me To Wear A Brown Tie.

When You Walk Up Five Flights Of Stairs At Four In The Morning, There's Definitely A Hooker Involved.