Oh, I Was An Ugly Kid. My

Acting Deals With Very Delicate Emotions. It Is Not Putting Up A Mask. Each Time An Actor Acts He Does Not Hide; He Exposes Himself.

There's Only One Thing Wrong With My Wife's Face - It Shows.

Getting Older Is Tough. I Remember The Last Time I Felt An Erection. It Was At The Movies. The Only Trouble Is, It Belonged To The Guy Sitting Next To Me.

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.

My Doctor Told Me To Watch My Drinking. Now I Drink In Front Of A Mirror.