Now Airlines Charge For Everything... If The

Really, He Called Me That? Ellen Degenerate? I've Been Getting That Since Fourth Grade. I Guess I'm Happy I Could Give Him Work.

When I Was Younger I Thought Success Was Something Different. I Thought, " When I Grow Up, I Want To Be Famous. I Want To Be A Star. I Want To Be In Movies. When I Grow Up I Want To See The World, Drive Nice Cars. I Want To Have Groupies." But My Idea Of Success Is Different Today. For Me, The Most Important Thing In Your Life Is To Live Your Life With Integrity And Not To Give Into Peer Pressure, To Try To Be Something That You're Not. To Live Your Life As An Honest And Compassionate Person. To Contribute In Some Way.

The Only Way A No-legged Leopard Could Hurt You Is If It Fell Out Of A Tree Onto Your Head.

What Would Bug The Taliban More Than Seeing A Gay Woman In A Suit Surrounded By Jews?

I Get To Do Stand-up Every Single Day. I Love That Live Energy Exchange Between The Audience And Myself, And To Get To Say The Things I Want To Say And Comment On.