My Wife Staci Made Me Go To

When I Say 'friends,' I Use That Term Loosely, As I Don't Actually Have Any.

Whenever I See People With Their Collars Up, I'm Tempted To Point It Out To Them Like You Would For Someone Who Has A Food Stain On Their Shirt Or Food In Their Teeth, As If To Say, 'your Fashion Sense Is So Offensive I'm Assuming It's Some Sort Of Accident You'll Want To Fix.

If You Put Me In South Park, That Audience Is Going To Fall Asleep In Five Minutes.

The Phrase 'i Just Turn On My Monkey And It Makes Me Feel Good' Sounds Very Dirty, But I Can't Explain Why. It's Great To Try To Use Expressions Like That On The Comics Page. People Want To Complain But They Can't, Because They Can't Figure Out Quite What They Should Be Complaining About.

Most Poetry Just Confounds Me. I Really Want To Like It, But I Can't Help Thinking It's A Hoax. (p. 24)