My Whole Childhood Was Like: Work Hard,

More Than Half The Questions I Am Asked Are About The Politics Of The Way I Look

I Feel The Same Way About Clothes As I Do About Food. I Want Everything.

I Once Heard That Quentin Tarantino, Who I Obviously Love And Think Is A Genius, Says That There's No Such Thing As Guilty Pleasure, There's Only Pleasures. And I Do Love That Idea, Because I Do Think That There's A Pretentiousness When People Make A List Of Their Favorite Things. I Like To Live A Life Where I Don't Think Of My Pleasures As Guilty Pleasures.

I’m Not Complaining About Romance Being Dead - I’ve Just Described A Happy Marriage As Based On Talking About Plants And A Canceled Ray Romano Show And Drinking Milkshakes: Not Exactly Rose Petals And Gazing Into Each Other’s Eyes At The Top Of The Empire State Building Or Whatever. I’m Pretty Sure My Parents Have Gazed Into Each Other’s Eyes Maybe Once, And That Was So My Mom Could Put Eyedrops In My Dad’s Eyes.

You Should Know I Disagree With A Lot Of Traditional Advice. For Instance, They Say The Best Revenge Is Living Well. I Say It’s Acid In The Face—who Will Love Them Now?